When it comes to personal time, love, or money I make no apologies.

I once said sorry too much.

Sorry, to bother you.

Sorry, I didn’t hear you.

Sorry, I can’t help you.

Why was I apologizing?  Was I bothering the person simply by asking a question?  Did I do something wrong in not being able to hear?  Could I not really help?

The sorry was attached to a a much deeper rooted belief of self.  An aspect of me that struggled with unworthiness.  Perhaps it came from being put up for adoption, or my parents getting a divorce and my father moving to the other end of the state (California is a big state), or my first marriage ending as soon as it began because of infidelity.

Or, answer (d), all of the above.  Each experience layered on the next.  What I have learned is that I apologized in advance to avoid rejection.

Do you apologize?  Do you know why?

As I worked up the salary ladder in my career, bought the big house, added a pool, and my dream BMW.  The apologies or downplaying my financial success increased.  Luckily, I had a coach to work through these feelings with and identified where I had downplayed my gifts, success, and happiness many times in my life.

It was my journey of never enough to always enough.

Realizing and owning my worth transformed the way I showed up in the world and ran my business.  By connecting with the part of me beyond the Robina everyone interacted with I created a relationship with trust for the first time.  As a result, I no longer stress over where the $ will come from or make apologies for what I have.  That includes me.

I go on an annual retreat every year.  Just me.  My husband and kids are supportive (probably a treat for them to have their time).  I make no apologies for wanting it or taking it.  I celebrate the fact I have the courage to ask for it and follow through.  I am better for it, my business is better for it, and new ideas are born.  So, if you find you are apologizing too much, feel uncomfortable with your financial picture, or really want to be alone, here are some steps to help.

• Are you aware of how often you apologize?
  • If not, you will be now
  • Are you aware of any physical sensations in your body before saying it?
    • Approaching boss’ office to ask a question.
    • Not hearing what was said.
    • Someone on the street getting ready to ask for $.
  • Note the physical sensation.
  • Challenge the part of you that wants to apologize and say something else, or nothing.
  • Provide yourself to reflect on what you are feeling or believing
  • Try again, again, and again.
  • Note where the same physical sensation shows up.
    • Fear of rejection always shows up in my stomach.

If you want to learn more about emotional awareness and inner dynamic, I recommend Heart of the Soul, by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis.

As you move into your day, do so with love of self and others.  None of us need to apologize for what we do or don’t have.  And, if you find yourself apologizing for something that doesn’t require it.  It’s okay.

Separately, for the non-apologizers I will share this in a future newsletters.

Until we meet again,